I always said I wasn't afraid of anything. Nothing scared me(except clowns and birds, which I openly admitted too). The truth is, I was scared of everything. I lived my life in fear. It drove every decision, good or bad. It caused me to be impulsive and to not stick up for myself. I made rash and rushed decisions that only came to cause me harm. I hurt myself for years because I was sad and scared, but couldn't admit it.
I did not make decisions on my own. Majority of the time I was forced into things and the things I was forced into brought on a deeper sadness and a deeper level of fear. I could not think for myself and therefore thought I couldn't be alone. I also believed all the terrible things my once partner said about me. I thought I deserved to be treated the way he treated me. I retreated back to who was incapable of doing anything on her own. A little girl who was scared of the world. At this point, I truly was alone; I couldn't open the door to let ANYONE in.
Well, I've got big news!!!! That door is open! I have let Higher Power in and that little girl is now a woman who has gained confidence in herself. I have rediscovered old passions and I am learning about new ones. Don't get me wrong, I still have fears, but they no longer control me. I am able to use my fears to slow myself down in a healthy way. I am able to give myself time to think instead of acting so spontaneously. I have discovered what I like and what I don't.
Don't let fear be your driving force; let it be a tool.
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